Vijayeta Sinh, PhD https://drvijayeta.com Therapy for South Asians & Young Adults Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:46 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 Hello world! https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:35 +0000 https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/

Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Vestibulum ac diam sit amet qua

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

Our Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

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Donec rutrum https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:35 +0000 https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/

Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Vestibulum ac diam sit amet qua

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

Our Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

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Leo eget https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:34 +0000 https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/

Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Vestibulum ac diam sit amet qua

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

Our Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero  malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

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Advice for living https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:34 +0000 https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/

Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Vestibulum ac diam sit amet qua

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

Our Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

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Best life https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 16 Jun 2022 20:42:33 +0000 https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/

Donec rutrum congue leo eget malesuada. Vestibulum ac diam sit amet qua

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

Our Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Nulla quis lorem ut libero malesuada feugiat. Pellentesque in ipsum id orci porta dapibus. Vivamus magna justo, lacinia eget consectetur sed, convallis at tellus. Nulla porttitor accumsan tincidunt. Donec sollicitudin molestie malesuada.

Cras ultricies ligula sed magna dictum porta. Vivamus suscipit tortor eget felis porttitor volutpat. Sed porttitor lectus nibh.

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Living South Asian in the U.S. https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Thu, 19 Jul 2018 21:28:29 +0000 http://nycfamilytherapy.com/?p=2225 [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.10″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.10″ text_font=”|300|||||||”]

South Asian Americans, constitute a diverse group of people that include Indian Americans, Bangladeshi Americans, Bhutanese Americans, Nepalese Americans, Pakistani Americans, and Sri Lankan Americans.

 

With a growth rate of 69.37{d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f}, Indian Americans (or Asian Americans) are one of the fastest growing ethnic groups in the United States. As of 2010, The New York-New Jersey- PA region recorded the greatest number of Indian Asians  (526,133), and New York City contains by far the highest Indian American population of any individual city in North America, estimated at 227,994 as of 2014.

 

The best and the brightest in the field with adequate resources to support their transition, seek to move to the US to further their education and careers, most commonly in the fields of medicine & healthcare, technology, and business. This population tends to include younger, affluent and well-educated Asians who are at times heralded as one of the most successful minority groups in the country.

 

Indians make up the largest non-Caucasian segment of the American medical community and roughly 20 percent of the “International Medical Graduates” – or foreign-trained doctors – operate in the U.S.

 

The global technology landscape has similarly been impacted by immigrants of Indian origin. Satya Nadella (CEO of Microsoft), Sunder Pichai (CEO of Google), Rajiv Suri (CEO of Nokia) Shantanu Narayen (CEO of Adobe) and Vinod Khosla (founding CEO of Sun Microsystems)

are just a few major players, that have revolutionized technology. It comes as no surprise that 16{d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f} of start-ups in Silicon Valley who have Indian co-founders even though Indians represent just 6{d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f} of the region’s population. An August 2016 article in the LA times recognizes Indian immigrants as “Tech’s new titans”.

 

Indo-Americans (Asians from the Indian subcontinent) have also carved their path into government and politics (Kamala Harris, Bobby Jindal, Pramila Jayapal, Nikki Haley), journalism (Sanjay Gupta, and Fareed Zakaria) and television (Priyanka Chopra, Dev Patel, Nimrat Kaur, and Mindy Kaling).

 

With a strong educational base, entrepreneurial and technical skills, and high work-ethic, Indians (and Asians) have benefited from upbringings in a culture that stresses humility, close-knit family ties, and respect for all walks of life.

 

To learn more about the demographic patterns of migration and settlement by Indian Americans including their history of migration, two recent books are noteworthy to mention.  The Other One Percent: Indians in America by Sanjoy Chakravorty, Devesh Kapur and Nirvikar Singh, and Desis Divided: The Political Lives of South Asian Americans, by Sangay K Mishra. Written by authors who are academics at universities in the US, both works present an articulate and engaging account of the early history of the community’s presence in the United States.

 

However, despite the high achievement status that Indian Asians & the Asian American & Pacific Islander community (community AAPI) in the US have achieved, they have simultaneously struggled with the stereotype of being a “model minority”. The characterization of excelling academically in math and science as well as being a model that other ethnic and racial groups should aspire to be. This model minority label is also perpetuated by the members of the community themselves when they place excessive stress on their children.

 

As is true of any immigrant experience, reconciling your roots with where your feet are currently planted, remains both a challenge and an opportunity for growth. It involves a delicate balance of holding on and letting go. How South Asians work through the process of assimilating their eastern values and ideologies with western norms, traditions and world views will depend greatly on their ability to shed the need for acceptance and recognition and to fully embrace and accept themselves as nuanced and complex,  universally true of all beings.

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Love is in the Air: 3 Crucial Steps to Find Happiness https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Fri, 13 Jul 2018 20:58:55 +0000 http://nycfamilytherapy.com/?p=2217 [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.8″ text_font=”|300|||||||”]

Let’s face it, each year Valentine’s Day rolls around, and our feelings about it change based on our relationship status. If we’re with someone, it’s a day to celebrate and go crazy– booking a table at our favorite restaurant, or flowers and chocolates. If we’re single, its a day of misery and a constant reminder of our loneliness, and drudgery.

At my practice, this week is an interesting one. I’ve had clients come in and talk about their glorious relationships and the accompanying pride and joy that has come with the turmoil of trying to make it work. I’ve also talked to others for whom relationships have not worked out, and are a complete mystery. Single clients who struggle with loneliness and managing familial expectations, and married clients, some of who look at Valentines Day as a day of celebration of the hard work that goes into being together!

We sometimes go in and out of relationships and not really know (or understand) what’s getting in the way. What makes some relationships click and others not so much, or why we or someone else walks away or refuses to. It’s important to look at what WE bring to the table. And so, this article is less about other people and more about us and paying attention to our behavior. Because in reality, that is all we can control! Here are three crucial things to keep in mind as you self-introspect:

1. How responsible and accountable are you? Are you creating and establishing friendships based on trust and communication? Do you keep your word? Do you call when you say you will call? Can your partner expect that you will stick to what you say? Are you loyal and faithful? Looking at our behavior in an introspective way can go a long way in not playing the blame game or seeing ourselves as the person to whom things “happen”, but instead seeing our very active role in things. When we’re dating or even when we’re in a relationship, this is especially important because no one wants to be with a “flake”, or someone who says one thing but does another.

2. What do YOU bring to the table? We can at times focus a lot on what is lacking in the other. They never call or they’re not making enough money, or they’re too busy with their work, or they don’t show too much affection or are boring. We can sometimes focus too much on a person’s looks, job, and background. Relationships are about balance and we are very much a part of that balance. Maybe your friend is well connected and always has interesting stories and maybe you’re funny. Perhaps you bring sophistication, wealth and kindness to the relationship and perhaps your partner brings compassion, generosity, and intelligence. Keep the focus on you and have realistic expectations of your partner. Don’t clutch too furiously to your deal breaker list.

3. How generous are you with others? In this busy, self-promoting, social-media heavy world, it’s easy to forget that other people also have problems and needs. That it’s not always about us and what we want. So, take the time to let your friend/partner talk for a change. Ask them about their life, take an interest in their work or family. If you tend to have one-sided friendships/relationships, it’s time to be more of a ‘giver’. Develop an interest in others–what are they excited about. Talk to them about their stuff. Get to know them better. Technology and Social media are great but those likes and comments will not bring you companionship and neither will your 1000 Facebook friends.  Call other people and connect with them. Don’t always wait for people to call you.

To sum things up, (and this is by no means an easy feat) let the spotlight be on others, celebrate others, compliment others and their achievements. Look for the good in others and above all else, be kind. And whether you find the love of your life around Valentine’s Day or not, keep your sense of humor. You have another 364 days to work on it.

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7 Dating Do’s and Don’ts https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Fri, 13 Jul 2018 20:55:58 +0000 http://nycfamilytherapy.com/?p=2214 [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.8″ text_font=”|300|||||||”]

Don’t you wish that dating was a lot easier than it is? That we all had this one person who was just right for us and when we found them- they would be ours forever? That they would miraculously appear at school, work or church and bear a sign with your name on it, and you’d fall madly in love with each other. No heartbreaks, betrayals, or the agonizing nightmare of having to find someone (else)?

Whether you’re back on the scene after a break-up or divorce or going at it as an amateur, you need to have your sense of humor and perspective when it comes to dating. Don’t let your fear hold you back and keep in mind that things can be scary and exciting simultaneously. Better to move on than be attached to something that’s safe and predictable, even though it’s bad for you.​


1. Be willing to be patient: Dating is like traveling. Not every part is going to be exciting and exhilarating. In fact, some parts may be boring or even downright revolting or infuriating. Keeping your expectations real will help you from being disappointed. So don’t set unrealistic deadlines of a month or two months. If you just got out of a stormy relationship, give yourself the time to cool down and find your zen before you update your dating profile.

2. Spread the word: Let friends and family know you’re looking and pursue the leads of people you trust. Social media and dating apps are great but often restrict you to the type of person “you generally go for”. Branch out. If you tend to only date a particular type of guy or girl, take a chance and do something different. Not the best analogy, but it’s kind of like always eating Italian food and discovering that sushi can taste great too. Also, look for communities where people your age or interest hang out. That may be a great way to find someone who shares the same hobbies as you.

3. Keep the dates short in duration: Plan on having quick rendezvous with the other person. Meeting for drinks or dinner or hanging out at your local coffee shop. An hour or an hour and a half is plenty time to scope out the other person and know whether you’d like to get to know them further. Some good ideas include going to the beach, for a picnic, wine tasting, taking a cooking class or pottery or painting class together, going on a hike or enjoying the outdoors.​

4. Date preps are important: Dating is kind of like going on an interview. You never know if you may meet the person of your dreams, so present your most presentable self. Figure out what works for you–a shave, or manicure for men, a blow dry or nails for the ladies. Don’t go overboard. If things go well, and you’re into each other, there will be chances to impress on the second or third date as well.

5. Feeling a big crush coming on? Now’s not the time to be exclusive. Continue your journey and keep an open mind. It’s important not to jump the gun too quickly. See where things go. If the feelings are mutual and you’re really into each other, then you can decide to go off-market. Also, take your cues from the other person—are they dating other people still? This can help you by not pinning too many hopes and dreams on one person and get heartbroken because the other person does not reciprocate the intensity of your feelings.

6. Have a life outside dating: In other words, don’t make dating a part-time profession. If you think of it more as a process than a destination, you’re less likely to rush through it. Stick to 2-3 dates a week and spread out your schedule to incorporate doing other fun things with friends or family. This allows to you to pay enough attention to each person you go out with and not think of them as merchandise. It also helps you keep your perspective—while finding your mate is important, there are other things in life that are also worthwhile.

7. Don’t rush into sex: You’re not going to like hearing this but it’s really important to not jump into bed with the first guy/gal you like. Because sex can complicate the way we feel about people and often confuse or trick us into believing something or wanting something that’s not good or right for us. So please do yourself a favor and wait for a little. If after 4-5 dates, the fire and passion are killing you, then go ahead and test your sexual compatibility (because that’s important too). No surprise, this rule is the hardest to follow but will serve you well in the long term.

Moral of the story—try to go easy on yourself, be patient with others and flexible about what you like (or think you like), be open to life taking its course, get help from others if you need to and be old fashioned when it comes to being involved sexually.

Got questions or thoughts? Contact me and I’ll be sure to respond. And hey… good luck!

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Don’t Forsake Your Emotions https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Sat, 09 Jun 2018 19:18:49 +0000 http://nycfamilytherapy.com/?p=1887 [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.6″ text_font=”|300|||||||”]

For the eleven something years that I have been doing therapy, one question comes up a lot. Why do you think emotions are important?

And some  associated thoughts and feelings–I don’t want to think about them, don’t care about them, find them bothersome, don’t think I want to because they overwhelm me.

And my response is usually: You need your emotions because they’re always there, even when you don’t feel them. Your emotions need to be validated because we feel the way we feel and thats okay. Or, knowing your emotions won’t overwhelm you, but ignoring them, pushing them away, pretending they don’t exist-most certainly will.

It’s like this… if you mind is like a river, emotions are the different fish swimming under the surface. So why do you need to care about the fish swimming under the surface? Because your emotions contain valuable information. They carry vital pieces of information about your thoughts, your subconscious and your needs and wants.

An emotion check-in is simply asking yourself- “How am I feeling?”  and then maybe following up with “What’s making me feel this way?”  Make this check in a part of your practice, and make space for whatever comes up for you. Sit with those feelings, and acknowledge them without judging them. This helps us not feel surprised or ambushed by our emotions.

You can also do this when you find yourself feeling numb or feeling something that you can’t pinpoint. If the answer does not come right away, try again or later. Keep trying.  A friend once told me …its like doing a headstand (seems near impossible at first, but once you learn it, you never forget). I’ve never done a headstand, but I think that’s true (the near impossible part at least).

So the next time your therapist asks you, “How are you feeling?” or “How did that make you feel?” think about how important that question is for YOU! Take a deep breath, reflect and really, REALLY think about it.

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It’s Cuffing Season, but…. https://drvijayeta.com/d1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568fpostnamed1a31e793de5bb65c9c9dd117b4faa2fc8e708d055c12d9c0650c5b92cb0568f/ Sat, 09 Jun 2018 19:17:11 +0000 http://nycfamilytherapy.com/?p=1884 [et_pb_section bb_built=”1″][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.6″ text_font=”|300|||||||”]

Come this time of the year, many people begin to question their singlehood status. They look around to friends with significant others and think about their inadequacies, ponder over their deficiencies and ruminate about their seeming inability to find the “right person” for them.

Some of us may grow despondent about the desperation that we feel about not having someone in our life (or anyone in our life) to give us the loving companionship we may so seek and desire. As we spend day after day checking our online dating profile and reaching out to friends and loved ones, we may wonder, “Why am I the only one without someone?” or “Is there no one in this big wide world for me?”

If this brings some shame or embarrassment, or if you find it hard to imagine life without having the emotional support of someone else, you are not alone. Building healthy relationships take a lot of work. Some people struggle with social situations and find it awkward to find someone they like, who likes them in return. Others may find themselves single after the end of a relationship or a divorce which can be especially difficult after having spent a significant part of their lives with someone else.

Whether you have ever been in a relationship or spent the majority of time in a relationship, loneliness can be hard. You may tire of always being the third wheel and friends or family may pressure you to find a partner. The allure to find someone and quickly can be strong.

Before you leap into a relationship and make the choice to readily sacrifice your freedom, or lower your standards to find “anyone”, here are some things you may want to consider:

  1. Using other people to fill the void you feel, is not a good reason to have a relationship.
  2. Don’t abandon long term goals for short term benefits.
  3. Being single and miserable is less complicated than being in a relationship and miserable.
  4. You can absolutely be happy being single but committed to finding love simultaneously. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
  5. Resist viewing a healthy break up as giving up, rather be compassionate to yourself and be open to going with the flow of single life (for now).
  6. Celebrate singlehood and focus on some of the positive aspects of being single. More time for yourself, and the freedom to pursue your goals.

That said, if you experience low self-esteem, are too picky or controlling, or have a fear of intimacy that leads you to undesired singlehood, you may need help breaking some of these patterns and hidden fears.

Therapy is often a good place to explore the dynamics of your relationship with yourself and others and contemplate whether you are ready to invest in a relationship in a meaningful way. Look for a therapist who can be open and honest with you and be courageous in your desire to heal yourself.

Good luck, and may you find that someone who is right for you.

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